Monday, May 24, 2010

Thank You Sir for Your Public Service Announcement

One word...Walmart...

Seriously it strikes fear into the hearts of mothers of toddlers...at least mothers of toddlers like Lilly.

Have I mentioned lately that Lilly is having a little um issue with temper tantrums? Well in case you missed it the girl has quite a temper. We've tried every trick in the book and to no avail she continues to have fits each and every single day. In the comfort of our own home I calmly step over her and go about my business...or she gets a spanking...or she gets a time out....really doesn't matter...she still throws the fits.

Fast forward to today. I HAD to go to Walmart. We were out of milk, diapers, detergent, you get the picture. I planned my trip spectacularly. I waited until Lilly had a good nap, a good lunch, plenty of playtime with Mommy and she was in a fairly good humor when we set off.

So when we arrive at Walmart all my careful planning flies clear out the window going down Campbell Lane. We are no sooner in the door than my darling child starts wailing for stickers. OK a walmart greeter two months ago happened to give Lilly a sticker and the child hasn't forgotten it. It was at a different walmart and apparently the campbell lane walmart doesn't hand out aforementioned stickers. So the first round of tears ensues. We manage to get past that crisis and head down the aisles. We stop for our first purchase and a nice looking older lady is stopped in front of what we need. No problem, I just wait for her to move. It took 3 seconds for Lilly to notice we had stopped moving and for her to yell at the poor lady "MOVE!!!" in her shrill two year old voice....the lady wheels around and gives Lilly a look and I just truck it on down the aisle...I'm pretty sure Travis can live without deodorant for another day.

Let's see....I am trying to pacify her to look at small books, little toys, whatever to get through the store and she proceeds to fling them out the side of the cart along with her pacifier. Which she then wails about because her paci is in the floor.

Still we keep trucking. It's been oh maybe five minutes. I wheel around to the milk aisle and there is no way to keep Lil from spotting the giant McDonalds. Doesn't matter that we just ate, Lilly wails for chicken. Fine...chicken if you will be quiet. Thank you McDonalds for posting ten thousand signs about not having a cart in there so I have to unhaul my two year old long enough to stand in line for a happy meal while she tries her best to climb the counter, carry other people's trays, etc. etc.

We finally get the happy meal which she then refuses to eat. She does however dutifully rip the top to her Sprite and proceed to fish the ice out. I just paid $4.00 for my child to eat ice through walmart. Awesome...

Since Lil is not eating her happy meal, I reach in and get a french fry. She sees me and then cries some more. Oh yes, and then a nice lady tells Lilly how pretty she is with which Lilly responds by crossing her arms, sticking her lip out and yelling, "I not pretty!!!"

I'm pretty sure Walmart frowns on using the belts in the men's department to spank your child with, but the thought was beginning to cross my mind.

Finally thank goodness we manage to get to the checkout lines. You know the checkout lines at Walmart where there are 900 people and two checkout lines open. We just pick one and stand there. Lil proceeds to unbuckle her seat, to stand up, to perch on top of the cart, to grab everything within reach...you get the picture.

Finally finally we get to leave the wretched Walmart. Did I mention that trolling around Walmart and the stress of temper tantrums nearly always sets off a round of annoying Braxton-Hicks contractions? Yep, that's fun as well.

We then proceed 200 miles out to our parking spot. With Lilly kicking and screaming the whole way because she doesn't want to ride in the cart she wants to walk...except she pulled her shoes and socks off way back in the milk aisle....

And for the best part of today's story. Did anyone notice that it was 90 degrees today? Yep, and does everyone remember how hot a parked car gets while parked in the walmart parking lot in the ninety degree sun, OK....

Lilly doesn't do well getting strapped into a car seat on a good day, and today was NOT a good day. And try to strap a fit throwing sweaty screaming two year old into a car seat while the car is nice and hot and you get the picture. So then I commit the Walmart sin of sins. I choose to not walk my cart a hundred miles down the aisle to put in back in the cart corral. Instead I choose to not fry my child and just push it securely up against a concrete light pole, it wasn't free-wielding down the street, it wasn't careening against other peoples cars, it was just not in the corral.

Then a SOUR older man YELLS at me from across the line of cars and says," It goes over there, you NEED TO PUT YOUR CART UP."

I turn around and look at him blankly for a second, trying to register what he is saying. Oh did I mention he had also paused his cell phone conversation to point this out to me. After I come back to my senses, I did something fairly out of character for me, I yelled back, "I have a crying two year old in the 100 degree car! Would YOU like to watch her while I put this cart away?!?" I wanted to add on "Idiot," but I held back.

Seriously?!? Sir you have nothing better to do than instruct a 29 year old nearly 8 months pregnant frazzled out mother that she needs to put her cart back in the cart bin???? I then get in my car, crank the air up and do what any other stressed out mom does. I let the pregnancy hormones get the best of me and I cry all the way back to Brownsville.

The End

9 comments:

Wanda May said...

Bless your heart....

Missy said...

Sounds like you had a day and a half girl! I regularly cry after leaving Wal-Mart, without a two year old! I can't imagine the "Joy" I will feel when I have a 2 year old to go with me! LOL! Sounds like I need to stock up on hankies right now!

The Butlers said...

Oh, Jessica, I definitely know how you felt...been there for sure! The McDonalds story made me think of the time I let Isaac and Ethan take their McDonald's cups into Home Depot so I could try to look at carpet samples. Instead of drinking them they poked holes in the bottom with their straws and left a wet trail through the store (and there was not a garbage can to be found anywhere!). Oh, and then a couple months ago when I was very pregnant Ethan decided to lay down in the floor at the checkout at Wal-Mart while he screamed and cried and kicked his shoes off because I wouldn't buy him a toy.
I can not get over the man in the parking lot!! I used to put my cart up, but after having kids I have left it out plenty of times. Hope today is a better day! :)

Katie said...

Ok...so I thought I was the only mom with a two year old who throws tantrums...so glad to know I'M NOT ALONE...I would like to know the answer...because I think I could spank till I'm blue in the face, and Jaxen wouldn't mind! Need I add that he doesn't act like this for ANYONE ELSE but me and JD!!! What is up with that??? I just don't understand how their little minds work. And...you know timeout is great at home...but what do you do at walmart? Go to the lawn and garden and borrow one of their patio chairs to conduct a timeout??????

Emily V. said...

I had to literally place my hand over my mouth from laughing at your post because my child is napping. I'm sorry you had such a horrible time at Walmart. I know the feeling which is why I almost refuse to go with my kid and he rarely throws a fit, let me say he's not 2 yet so I'm sure I'll be calling you in a few months for advice. Hee! Loved the belt section comment, too funny. Hope your week gets better. I need to call you and order some of our last picture session, I'm so behind. Hope you are doing well with your pregnancy.

Alicia Jane said...

Posts like this only make me realize more why we are such good friends ;) next time you need to go to walmart call me and me and lil will have a playdate!! I have left stores on many occasions bawling! And don't worry about the grumpy old man. Obviously he has nothing better to do!!

Erica Simpson said...

Bless your heart! I feel your pain-although I woudl have probably hit the guy! :) WITH THE CART!

Lesley said...

Take lessons from me, Jess. You should have told that old man that he needed to have "a little class, my friend!"

Sorry you had a horrible, terrible, no good, very bad day!

The Browning's said...

I hate those kinds of days, but you got thru it. I think I might have just stuck my tongue out at that old fart, he probably doesn't even remember what it was like to have kids. She will grow out of it....somewhat.