Monday, September 22, 2008

A Little Sentimental

So I guess that Lilly's birthday coming up this week and being by myself alot lately after the kids have gone to bed has given me some time to think and contemplate this whole being a Mom business. I went into this knowing that I would love my kids and want the best for them, but never did I realize how all-consuming and heart-wrenching that love can be at times.
I've thought back at some of the more stressful times of my journey of being a Mom and at the time I wondered what I was doing wrong, and looking back I can see that things were being put together for a reason.

When Noah was around 18 months old, we were aware that he had food allergies, but we were under the mistaken impression that they were very mild. The original physician that diagnosed us thought there was no reason to prescribe epi-pens (the medication that has saved Noah's life on more than one occasion.) At 18 months, I was very very stressed out because the primary babysitter who had kept Noah since birth while I worked 3 days a week was going to be unable to keep him anymore. At the time, I thought the easiest solution was to get him into a day care. We tried for 4 days. My child would not just cry when I left him, he would stand at the window of the place and sob the entire time I was gone. He tried to leave with any adult that was leaving. My mother's intuition kept kicking in and telling me, "This isn't right...don't leave him here." Don't misunderstand my meaning....the facility was great and the lady who ran it was fantastic. However, it was common for the kids there to be fed peanut butter, etc. No doubt, had I left noah there until he got used to it, he would have come into contact with some food with peanuts, had a severe reaction with noone realizing what was going on and would probably have not had access to epinephrine until possibly too late. Even after I took him out of daycare, sitter after sitter after sitter fell through. At the time, I kept questioning my luck...why could every one else find childcare for their little one's except me? Looking back now I know without a doubt, it was God's way of insuring that my little boy was cared for by me so that I would be ready when those reactions happened, and he had only a few minutes to spare.

Fast forward a couple of years and we are blessed to have a new home, a wonderful four year old who is thriving in preschool and a new baby girl. I was very very happy, but also very very busy! I was staying home with the kids during the day, and working all evening and weekends. Basically spending very little time together as an entire family. I was letting my work put me under so much pressure I had little time for anything else. I do not think it is a coincidence that the VERY DAY I got my last order done for Christmas I fell and broke my leg and ankle and ended up with surgery and being in the hospital for 4 days and basically house bound for 4 months. Let me tell you, that four months did several things. First and foremost, I had more time to think about my priorities that I ever though possible, and I really realized that mine were slightly askew. Secondly, the Lord showed us that we could make it one basically one income and still provide for our family and our children. Last, but certainly not least...I really learned to depend on my friends and my family. Those days home alone would have been impossible withought the help of my family taking care of the house and kids, and my dear dear friends who called, brought meals, and basically got me through. I realize that a broken leg and an ankle is so mild compared to what other people go through, but let me tell you, going from being able to do anything I wanted to having to depend on a wheelchair and someone else to get me in and out of the shower and to and from the bathroom will humble a girl really quick.

Anyway, this rambling perhaps doesn't make sense to anyone but me. But there are a few things that I've learned on this journey of motherhood that I started nearly five years ago. I've learned to trust my gut. I've learned that time passes by way too quickly, and above all, I've learned in the middle of the night, when I feel like I don't have anyone else who understands me, I know the Lord will answer my prayers, he has time and time again.

5 comments:

Erica Simpson said...

Crying right now-puts it in perspective!
Erica

Stephanie said...

Jessica---I read your post earlier this morning and can't stop thinking about it! I've been trying to think back and see how things have worked out in my life, too. If someone would have told me 10 years ago that I would be a stay at home mom of 3 girls I would just laughed. You are a wonderful mom and I'm really glad we're friends:)

The Doyle Family said...

I truly believe that everything happens for a reason...it's just really enlightening when that reason is revealed to us. We truly are blessed in so many ways.

Laurie Keen said...

Hi Jessica, I am Laurie Keen and we have emailed several times talking about Photography! I found your blog through Julie Browning's. (I used to work with her wonderful mom---Shirley Lowe). Anyways, I don't have children yet but I wanted to let you know I feel your pain. My life is like balancing a full time job, husband, a new house & my photography on the side. I am now getting to the point where I too need to stop and smell the roses and take time out for my self. Also having God on our side is a blessing as well. I feel like I am overwelmed many days and I too have to go with my gut feeling! But in the end all bad things end with a good ending! I truly believe this! Sometimes we don't know until many many years down the road but everyday is a blessing. I am sure you are a wonderful mother just by the pictures you post. Like they always say...A picture is worth a thousand words.....Thanks for sharing.....

Carol said...

Great post! Thanks for being a great friend!